Bermuda always seemed like one of those fake places—like the lost city of Atlantis, Kokomo and Guam (okay, I know Guam is a real place, but you know what I mean). Turns out, it’s real, and last weekend I flew straight over its creepy triangle and into the tiny island for the Escape to Bermuda Triathlon. My boyfriend, Randy, scored accomodations through an auction for Jenny’s Light, a non-profit his family started earlier this year. His sister, Becky, and her husband, Brian, are pro triathletes (yes, swimming, biking and running is their job) and were both racing.

Now I know what you’re thinking: Where the Hell is Bermuda anyway? Well, contrary to popular belief, it’s not in the Caribbean and its not in the Bahamas (seriously, Dad, it’s not… so stop trying to convince me otherwise). The island is about 600 miles east of North Carolina, so basically a speck waaay out there in the middle of the Atlantic. It’s only about 21.5 square miles in size, with a population slightly larger than my hometown in Minnesota. Interestingly, the weather was about the same in Bermuda as it was in the Land of 10,000 Lakes last weekend. When Minnesota hits the low 70s November, you start thinking that Al Gore might be on to something.

Anyhow, after clearing customs and waltzing by a sooped up drug-sniffing German Shepard, we found our driver-- complete with a sign with our names on it. Randy was fired up about the VIP treatment. Of course, I couldn't bear to tell him I always travel this way.

Not. 

We stayed at the Fairmont Southampton, about 15 miles SW of the airport, down narrow roads that serve busses, cars, trucks, mopeds, horse-drawn carriages, bikes and pedestrians. I don't know how people aren't killing each other left and right, but we were white-knuckled the whole way there.

The Fairmont is the perfect place to stay if you like the following:

1. Never leaving your hotel because it's too far away from everything and too expensive to take a cab anywhere else (luckily, there was a bus to town available).
2. Love spending $8 on a can of Budweiser... or $32 for two small, average white Russians (me thinks The Dude would not abide).

However, they did have awesome views from the rooms. Check out ours:

They also have a killer private beach with diving excursions and snorkel rental. Just to make you jealous:



Randy had never been snorkeling before, so he was especially excited to get out there. Me? I lasted a full 45 minutes, which felt like 45 hours. I'm not much for swimming in the ocean and figured it was best for me to get out of the water before I puked in my snorkel.



While the beach was beautiful, I'm all about the food. I'd read somewhere that if you're venturing to Bermuda for a culinary destination, you'll be disappointed. We did have a few mediocre meals (and one really bad one), but our Thai meal at Silk was delicious. I ordered the Seafood Panang Curry- chockfull of mussels, shrimp and scallops. Our table also ordered Chicken & Cashew Nuts, Sweet & Sour Pork (which wasn't deep fried... very good) and Beef Chili Basil, which was so spicy it made Brian break out in a sweat.

The most memorable aspect of the meal was the non-stop, hovering, oppressive service. It was comical. We had someone check on our table ever 60 seconds. Our glasses remained 7/8 full (or 1/8 empty for you pessimists). Plates were cleared within seconds of setting down your fork. At one point, a busboy walked to our table, adjusted the placement of my beer, then left. As we exited the restaurant, I spotted a review from a major travel magazine. It stated the food was fabulous, as was the wine list... if you could ever find a server to get you a refill. Apparently, they've fixed that problem.

Woody's was our culinary highlight. Randy and I rented a scooter our second day there (tourists can't rent cars on the island), and the woman working there reccommended this joint for traditional Bermudian cuisine. She warned us that the place looks shady from the outside, but it's one of the best places on the island.

She was certainly right about the sketch-factor. We were clearly the only tourists there (and it seemed the only sober folks, initially). After some drunk guy shouted, "Nice hog!" at our wimpy, two-seat scooter, we were ready to jet (well, more like putt) out of there. But since we'd already scooted 45 minutes, we figured we should at least check it out.

Turns out, the restaurant was located on the other side of the building. Woody's is rather quaint, with just a few tables and menu written on a chalkboard.

We saw a man exiting with a few lobsters and immediately knew what we wanted. The owner then informed us that her husband had only caught three that morning and she was all out. Foiled! At least we knew they were serious about fresh (and local) food.

I really wanted to try shark hash, a Bermudian delicacy. Woody's was all out. Apparently, the sharks haven't been biting lately (I still don't know if that makes me feel better or worse about snorkeling). So I opted for the oxtail and a side of pumpkin rice. The oxtail was savory and nearly fall-off-the-bone tender. I stopped using silverware after three bites.

Randy went with the jerk chicken with scalloped potatoes. We washed it all down with a Guinness and a Barritt's Ginger Beer (made on the island). We left so stuffed, we could barely make it back to the hotel without falling into a serious food coma. Good thing Randy was driving.

After a night of shoveling delicious island cuisine into our mouths (not to mention a few beers back at the hotel), what could be better than watching some of the fittest people in the world power through a triathlon? Okay, so I felt like a total porker at the race, but it was fun. This race was Olympic distance (1 mile swim, 24 mile bike, 6 mile run). The race started at 7:30am, where the pros jumped off a ferry and swam a mile in to shore. The bike went the entire length of the island on the major drag (complete with all that traffic I mentioned before), and wrapped up with a run around St. George, a very cute town with a lot of shops that were-- sigh-- closed.

Brian finished sixth in the men's race, with a time of 1:58:53.

Becky, who won the race last year, finished third, with a time of 2:07:25. Both of them have been training for longer distances, so they were pretty happy with their overall finish.

As it typically goes with weekend vacations, three and a half days wasn't enough time and I'd definitely go back next year. Maybe I'll have to train for the race. That way, I can eat everything on the menu at Woody's and not have to get airlifted back to the mainland.

Anyone else ever been to Bermuda? Have any authentic dining experiences to share from other islands?